This is my life right now. Flat out on pavement with beauty sprinkled delicately around me. Man, am I working my process! In the middle of a divorce, learning to be a single Mother, learning to be single (!), learning to say YES to more vivid love and a committed NO to the things that are draining me. I am prostrated (is that the word?) – totally on my knees, well actually on my back, in surrender to the great Divine. I asked the forces of Universal All-ness to please UPGRADE MY LIFE FORCE, take out the old and bring in the new. USE ME FOR GOOD. What was I thinking????
(Careful what you wish for and all that).
I am experiencing the big cleanse and it’s rocking all my stability and asking me to GIVE UP CONTROL and PROTECTIVE PATTERNS and to basically walk around skinless. A fun metaphor for fun times.
I let go of my marriage, I let go of all that has meant and been (there’s no way to describe the loss, no way…it’s beyond), I’m grieving and changing and parenting my ass off AND functioning as a therapist, friend, house-owner, grocery buyer, workshop leader, blah blah blah. It’s inconceivable. I seem to keep going on while my feelings thaw out at deeper and deeper levels.
A dear friend suggested that the life I built for myself- my private practice, my home, being a Mom, is the foundation that now holds me up. As overwhelming as the details can seem, they are the walls and floors of my world and move me forward every day. I can plug myself in and my life lives through me. I like that perspective a lot.
Ok, let’s back up. I asked LIFE for an upgrade. I asked for all that was not needed to be moved along. Was I thinking that would happen without foundational change? The past year has been like a flood, with me standing at the door, saying “wait!!!” But it was too late, I had already asked with all my heart. I wanted my full vital energy to be restored. At all costs.
So the flood has included a total shift in my family unit, my friendships, my boundaries, the way I organize in general, my relationship to lawyers and doctors and people of authority, the way I spend my time, how I use and don’t use my words, how I parent, how I express myself, how I SEE things, and most important, how I connect to Spirit from moment to moment. I am steeped in loss AND I am more alive than ever before. I am acutely aware that all things are precious and leaving AND I am allowing myself to receive the GOODNESS all the way to my core. I am changing.
I do recommend asking for a spiritual upgrade but don’t be naive about it. Allowing your vibration to go UP means shedding the things that keep you DOWN. It’s a ride. It’s a major, major ride.
PS. Photo by Neige Christenson
PSS. Rythea.com for more like this