Torielle and I make videos every few months to mark the moment and be creative together. We have gotten used to bantering like this. We kind of mind-meld. Here’s what Eckhart Tolle says about children and the pain-body.
Here he is talking about what to do after tantrums or big expressions of unhappiness in the child.
“A little while after it has subsided, or perhaps the next day, you can talk to the child about the pain-body. But don’t tell the child about the pain-body. Ask questions instead. For example: ” What was it that came over you yesterday when you wouldn’t stop screaming? Do you remember? What did it feel like? Was it a good feeling? No? If it has a name, what would it be called? If you could see it, what would it look like? Can you paint a picture of what it would look like? What happened to it when it went away? Did it go to sleep? Do you think it may come back?
These are a few suggested question. All these questions are designed to awaken the witnessing faculty in the child, which is Presence. They will help the child to disidentify from the pain-body. You may also want to talk to the child about your own pain-body using the child’s terminology. The next time the child gets taken over by the pain-body, you can say. “It’s come back, hasn’t it?” use whatever words the child used when you talked about it. Direct the child’s attention to what it feels like. Let your attitude be one of interest or curiosity rather than one of criticism or condemnation.”
So far, this suggestion has been super helpful with Torielle. She even has prompted me to call her “Name” when she suddenly wants to hit me and it evokes laughter and great expression in her (as you see in the video). I’m excited to name my pain-body too and tell her (and me) when it’s showing up, like “Hey, here’s Manic Mommy Mushface, she’s all worked up, she can’t stop emptying the dishwasher, look at her get all tense.” And then we can both get some distance from that part of me.
Try it and let me know what happens with you.
Very exciting work with children and parents!
This video is the most amazing mother daughter relationship I’ve seen. If only I’d known “how to be” like this, with my own daughter as she was growing up. Kudos. I still want to meet you. Hard to find the time right now.
Do you by any chance, know a group of women 6-15, that would like to do a workshop with me (free) It would last 6 weeks, maybe 8. And…is there a place you know of in Noho where it could take place. Once a week, 2 hours.
I’ll try to email this to you too. Wish I could come to Academy but I’m having an engagement party for my daughter that day.
LOVE THIS!!!!!! Keep up the good work mama!!!!!! You ROCK!!!!!! 👏🏼💪🏼❤️
Thank you Karen!!!
Thank you for sharing this. I am doing this book by audio version and wanted to write down the questions to try with my children. So helpful! Happy to see this in action! Thank you so much!
You are so welcome Tracy!