I wake up, like most people I know, churning in worry, have-to’s, supposed to’s, and what- is-wrong questions. Then, on a good day, I turn inward and choose again to open. I choose love. I choose to let go of trying to control and open to the unknown. I fall. I fall off the cliff of knowing and walk in the land of newness. This is a deep practice for me and it doesn’t always work.
On the days where it doesn’t work (my heart doesn’t open, love doesn’t flow back into my body), then I just have to notice my pain and hold it as best as I can. I have a good reason for my fear. So do all of us. Somedays, it’s all I can do to forgive myself for my deeply protective patterns. They were built to last and they do. And then sometimes I can’t even do that. I just have to watch myself hate myself for being wounded. Those are the hardest days.
My third option is to look at my daughter. She is always HERE. I’ve never seen anything like it. She wakes up HERE, she looks at me and smiles HERE every day. She laughs easily, makes jokes, hugs, plays, says no with ease, is creative, gets lost in joyful business. She’s busy being HERE. The contrast between her freedom and my worry is humongous!!! Almost laughable. Very embarrassing.
If I don’t find a way to drop my bullshit and join her HERE then I leave her alone in the pleasure of things. That’s no good. So I’m learning to do it. Just drop the fear and join the river of love she is living in. Then we both get a good wash of the good stuff, at least for a while. She’s the leader of course. She shows me how.
Here’s a video of us bantering. I don’t think you’ll understand all of what she’s saying but watch the energy of it. The life force!
That is so cute!
PS: What a highly intelligent child!
you are SOOO awesome Rythea…such an inspiration to me in a deep deep way…i had quite a grumpy mom day today and you are so right…i end of leaving them alone in THEIR experience as I am so caught up in my displeasure of things…oh god help me..us…yikes! you’re great! Thank you…
Lately, Conorrhys wakes around 4:30am to nurse. But lately I have needed my sleep and can’t seem to fall asleep again. So, lately, I have been talking with him about how he can eat more during the day and that will help his own belly be full, and he and I can have a better solid sleep. (Nursing for comfort is never a problem, but nursing for a meal, in the middle of the night, is!) And lately, lol, he wakes fully with a smile and wants to look at the sky, seeking the moon, and then we talk. He points and tells me all about what he sees, and I talk back with interest, and now it is 4:50am in the morn and he snuggles into my lap and, lately, he is able to just fall back to sleep (o, after a bit of cheese or water). And lately, happens every morn. Our little ones know the power of the moment.
Thank you for putting this practice into words. While playing / being with my son can help me connect to being HERE, I also find that finding time to be at my developmental level ~ talking / reading /communicating with other adults ~ helps me be more present overall. So thank you for adding to my overall sanity today.
“On the days where it doesn’t work … I just have to watch myself hate myself for being wounded. Those are the hardest days.” Thanks for that paragraph, in particular. xxx
SO appreciate your bare naked honest sharing, like a star shining in the wilderness of being human, being woman, being Mom!!!…..warmness to you!
Thanks for this Reminder Rythea! Got to enter my kids world more often. 🙂
Lately.. say for the last half a year or so.. I have trained myself to, every morning upon awakening, put my hand on my heart and say “I Love you, I Love you, I Love you” (I Love you 3x) to myself… this even before I start thinking, planning or worrying about my day. If I forget, I gently bring myself to my heart and say these words and then try to feel Love throughout my body. Just like worrying and thinking have become habits so this has become a habit.. and it makes all the difference…<3
PS the time on this comments are 4 hours ahead it is 12:16 a.m. right now! Probably can change this in your panel (wordpress?)
thanks!