I wake up, like most people I know, churning in worry, have-to’s, supposed to’s, and what- is-wrong questions. Then, on a good day, I turn inward and choose again to open. I choose love. I choose to let go of trying to control and open to the unknown. I fall. I fall off the cliff of knowing and walk in the land of newness. This is a deep practice for me and it doesn’t always work.
On the days where it doesn’t work (my heart doesn’t open, love doesn’t flow back into my body), then I just have to notice my pain and hold it as best as I can. I have a good reason for my fear. So do all of us. Somedays, it’s all I can do to forgive myself for my deeply protective patterns. They were built to last and they do. And then sometimes I can’t even do that. I just have to watch myself hate myself for being wounded. Those are the hardest days.
My third option is to look at my daughter. She is always HERE. I’ve never seen anything like it. She wakes up HERE, she looks at me and smiles HERE every day. She laughs easily, makes jokes, hugs, plays, says no with ease, is creative, gets lost in joyful business. She’s busy being HERE. The contrast between her freedom and my worry is humongous!!! Almost laughable. Very embarrassing.
If I don’t find a way to drop my bullshit and join her HERE then I leave her alone in the pleasure of things. That’s no good. So I’m learning to do it. Just drop the fear and join the river of love she is living in. Then we both get a good wash of the good stuff, at least for a while. She’s the leader of course. She shows me how.
Here’s a video of us bantering. I don’t think you’ll understand all of what she’s saying but watch the energy of it. The life force!