I have loads of experience feeling abandonment trauma. The terror of being left is fresh and available pretty much anytime. Rejection fits in there nicely with the hypervigilance needed to ensure that I won’t be left. Did she just roll her eyes? Did he turn away because of what I said? Is she not calling […]
Trash, a poem
The list is eating me from the inside out I know that’s gross but please know that this list will not be done when I die nor will your list be done by then because we will croak with the fucking list gripped between knuckles the last words will be “I have to… and […]
The Numb Adults are Losing: A tale of what is possible
In the last few months, I have conversed with two different young people (both mid-twenties) who told me they do not have computers, barely text, and don’t have smart phones. I found my mouth literally ajar. “Really?” I said, “But how do know what’s happening in your area and stuff?” One of them said “Oh, […]
Rythea’s Story: the words
Here are the words to my story from my on-line show, Advice from a Loving Bitch. Several folks requested it and here it is. This is an ode to the body, my body and how it heals, despite everything. I wanted to talk about the body and how the body factors into loving ones self […]
The Space Between
I remember when there was a lull in the sharpness, that was the worst when the quiet was raging my eyes tracking his feet, hands, voice, tone, eye contact, or lack of, trailing, a lens on high speed following the light between the leaves every shadow, a sign God forbid I forgot and let my […]
Self-Hatred Has A Bottom
What I’ve learned so far is that self-hatred has a bottom. If you follow it down into the reverberating terror, through the hot heat of shame, inside the center of the grieving body, past the grip of powerless rage, it lands. The landing is you. Self-hatred is the bandage over the wound. The wound is […]
My Project Makes Me Hate Myself, Ha Ha Ha
I’ve decided to make a 20-episode youtube advice show. I’m the host. I’ve been super, crazy excited about the project and after raising enough funds for 7 of my 20 episodes, I decided to make Episode 1. A total blast, joy in the process, ecstatic oneness while expressing myself. The outcome? A fantastic first show. […]
She’s the Master of Presence
I’m focused on the practice of presence. The practice of my own soul-presence in my body resonating out and watching how the mind interrupts this juicy experience with stories and memories of fear. I have every good reason to run fear through my nervous system (based on what I have lived through) but now I don’t need […]
Life force; thank you
Life force, life force, life force! It’s the JUICE dude. I want it, I love it, I need it, I have it, how about that? I just spent 3 and 1/2 days dancing at a dance jam event and felt the essence of myself in the most relieving way. Something about moving without talking, and moving […]
I asked for an upgrade, now I’m flat on my back
This is my life right now. Flat out on pavement with beauty sprinkled delicately around me. Man, am I working my process! In the middle of a divorce, learning to be a single Mother, learning to be single (!), learning to say YES to more vivid love and a committed NO to the things that are […]