I have loads of experience feeling abandonment trauma. The terror of being left is fresh and available pretty much anytime. Rejection fits in there nicely with the hypervigilance needed to ensure that I won’t be left. Did she just roll her eyes? Did he turn away because of what I said? Is she not calling […]
Trash, a poem
The list is eating me from the inside out I know that’s gross but please know that this list will not be done when I die nor will your list be done by then because we will croak with the fucking list gripped between knuckles the last words will be “I have to… and […]
The Numb Adults are Losing: A tale of what is possible
In the last few months, I have conversed with two different young people (both mid-twenties) who told me they do not have computers, barely text, and don’t have smart phones. I found my mouth literally ajar. “Really?” I said, “But how do know what’s happening in your area and stuff?” One of them said “Oh, […]
Self-Hatred Has A Bottom
What I’ve learned so far is that self-hatred has a bottom. If you follow it down into the reverberating terror, through the hot heat of shame, inside the center of the grieving body, past the grip of powerless rage, it lands. The landing is you. Self-hatred is the bandage over the wound. The wound is […]
My Project Makes Me Hate Myself, Ha Ha Ha
I’ve decided to make a 20-episode youtube advice show. I’m the host. I’ve been super, crazy excited about the project and after raising enough funds for 7 of my 20 episodes, I decided to make Episode 1. A total blast, joy in the process, ecstatic oneness while expressing myself. The outcome? A fantastic first show. […]
She’s the Master of Presence
I’m focused on the practice of presence. The practice of my own soul-presence in my body resonating out and watching how the mind interrupts this juicy experience with stories and memories of fear. I have every good reason to run fear through my nervous system (based on what I have lived through) but now I don’t need […]
A Tip From Eckhart Tolle About Kids
Torielle and I make videos every few months to mark the moment and be creative together. We have gotten used to bantering like this. We kind of mind-meld. Here’s what Eckhart Tolle says about children and the pain-body. Here he is talking about what to do after tantrums or big expressions of unhappiness in the […]
A Joyful No: video archive flashback
Hey ya’ll, some of you have asked me to keep posting videos so I pulled out one from the archives. I can’t even believe my child was once this little. So sweet. Hope you enjoy!!!
Love or Fear, choosing again…
I wake up, like most people I know, churning in worry, have-to’s, supposed to’s, and what- is-wrong questions. Then, on a good day, I turn inward and choose again to open. I choose love. I choose to let go of trying to control and open to the unknown. I fall. I fall off the cliff […]
From Under the Covers
I’ve always been a prolific artist. I starvingly devoured any mediums I could find- acrylics, collage, musical instruments, spoken words, clay, photography, drawing, and always, always the dance. Then I gave birth to a baby girl and things…changed. Sort of. During her second and third years, I performed my one-woman show called “Don’t Be A […]