I have loads of experience feeling abandonment trauma. The terror of being left is fresh and available pretty much anytime. Rejection fits in there nicely with the hypervigilance needed to ensure that I won’t be left. Did she just roll her eyes? Did he turn away because of what I said? Is she not calling […]
The Veil
This is one day of many that will pass before my eyes when I’m leaving, like lights in water, flickers of fire that burn while I’m saying goodbye This is the day when my daughter swam around the edge of the pool and demanded “Give me space Mom, you swim the other edge” and I […]
Trash, a poem
The list is eating me from the inside out I know that’s gross but please know that this list will not be done when I die nor will your list be done by then because we will croak with the fucking list gripped between knuckles the last words will be “I have to… and […]
Rythea’s Story: the words
Here are the words to my story from my on-line show, Advice from a Loving Bitch. Several folks requested it and here it is. This is an ode to the body, my body and how it heals, despite everything. I wanted to talk about the body and how the body factors into loving ones self […]
The Space Between
I remember when there was a lull in the sharpness, that was the worst when the quiet was raging my eyes tracking his feet, hands, voice, tone, eye contact, or lack of, trailing, a lens on high speed following the light between the leaves every shadow, a sign God forbid I forgot and let my […]
Self-Hatred Has A Bottom
What I’ve learned so far is that self-hatred has a bottom. If you follow it down into the reverberating terror, through the hot heat of shame, inside the center of the grieving body, past the grip of powerless rage, it lands. The landing is you. Self-hatred is the bandage over the wound. The wound is […]
My Project Makes Me Hate Myself, Ha Ha Ha
I’ve decided to make a 20-episode youtube advice show. I’m the host. I’ve been super, crazy excited about the project and after raising enough funds for 7 of my 20 episodes, I decided to make Episode 1. A total blast, joy in the process, ecstatic oneness while expressing myself. The outcome? A fantastic first show. […]
I asked for an upgrade, now I’m flat on my back
This is my life right now. Flat out on pavement with beauty sprinkled delicately around me. Man, am I working my process! In the middle of a divorce, learning to be a single Mother, learning to be single (!), learning to say YES to more vivid love and a committed NO to the things that are […]
My Friend’s Awesome Music Video
I love this video and not because I’m in it. Or because it was partly taped at my studio. Or because I know the singer/songwriter and love her as a human being. Or because I also know the videographer and think he rocks it out. But because the song makes me happy and the people […]
From Under the Covers
I’ve always been a prolific artist. I starvingly devoured any mediums I could find- acrylics, collage, musical instruments, spoken words, clay, photography, drawing, and always, always the dance. Then I gave birth to a baby girl and things…changed. Sort of. During her second and third years, I performed my one-woman show called “Don’t Be A […]