This takes time to learn so give yourself time to try it out and just learn.

This is Rythea Leeʼs version of the six steps based on Margaret Paulʼs six step chart.

Inner Bonding® THE SIX STEPS

Step 1- Connect with your Feelings.

Go into your body and breathe and notice your body sensations. Where do you feel constriction? Where do you feel flow? Once you feel your sensations (for example, my heart feels tight, my stomach feels in a ball but my legs feel energized), name the emotion that is being expressed in your body (mad, sad, scared, ashamed, or happy). Though you may feel several feelings, notice if one feeling is the strongest. Then open to the feeling, feel it, allow it, be with it.

A. Notice Sensations
B. Name your feelings and open to them

Step 2- Choose the Intent to Learn about how to be loving to yourself.

Be willing to experience and explore the feelings from step 1, instead of trying to figure them out, fix them, or get rid of them. Open to your Guidance or higher power; a loving, compassionate, wise presence. Invite in compassion. When you are in the intention to control or protect yourself or others, you can't feel Guidance, so this step is an essential one in terms of going on with the Inner Bonding process. If you feel unable to open to discovery, do some practices that help you open such as mediation, exercise, or releasing anger.

A. Open to discovering the wisdom of your feelings instead of wanting to control them—our feelings have information for us, wisdom for us. What is that?

B. Consciously open to Spirit/Source/Guidance/God

C. If you feel unable to open to learning, do an activity that helps you open

Step 3- Dialogue with your Core Child and Wounded Child.

(This process works best through writing or talking out loud)

Our Wounded Child speaks to us through our thoughts

and beliefs. Our Core Child speaks to us through our feelings.

Ask the Core Child "What am I doing, telling you, or believing little child, that is making you feel (mad, sad, scared, ashamed....)?" Let the little child answer. Find out what the false belief is that you are telling her. Be her voice and let her answer. For example, she may say, "You keep telling me that there is something wrong with me" or "You won't take care of me, you don't listen to me."Then it is important to allow her to express feelings you have been ignoring and pushing down which could include sorrow, grief, or loneliness.

It is the Wounded child who is telling the Core Child a false belief about a particular situation. You can also talk to the Wounded Child to find out what she is trying to protect herself from, why she is telling the Core Child these false beliefs. For example, you may discover the Wounded Child is telling the Core Child she is unlovable to try and protect her from rejection. She may be saying she is a failure to avoid feelings of loneliness or helplessness. If the false belief feels unclear, tune into your Guidance and ask what the false belief is that is causing the pain.

If your emotion feels very deep or unmoving, an essential question to ask the Inner Child (either wounded or core child) is what does this remind you of? Or what are you

remembering right now? Take the feelings back in time to childhood and see where they land. Allow yourself to be in an open, non-linear state of mind and see what comes forward from the past. Writing into this is very helpful. If a traumatic experience comes forward, it is necessary to be loving and understanding with the emotions that arise so they can come into healing. Going into the past and healing it takes slowing down, suspending the linear mind, and believing what the child tells you. You donʼt have to fix it or solve it but just be with the child and her/his experience while you uncover the false beliefs. Then, when you are ready, you can dialogue with the child about what the past experience felt like and how you, the adult, are still allowing old false beliefs or patterns to play out in the present.

A. Ask the Core Child what you are telling him/her or what he/she is believing that is making him/her feel these feelings

B. Ask the Wounded Child why she is running this false belief (there is always a good reason).

C. See if there is an early experience that is connected to what you are feeling now and what false belief got created

D. If the false belief is unclear, ask Guidance

Step 4- Dialogue with Spiritual Guidance/Higher Power.

Ask Guidance the truth about this false belief. Examples: Is it true that there is something wrong with me? Is it true that I can protect myself against rejection by putting myself down? Then ask Guidance what the loving action is around this issue. Do I rest? Write? Call a friend? Make a boundary? Hold my Inner Child? Ask Guidance what is loving right now, at this moment or in the near future.

A. Ask Guidance the truth about your false belief B. Ask Guidance what the loving action is

Step 5- Take the Loving Action!

This step is very important. Usually it involves helping the child feel safe, holding him/her and bringing in the truth to him/her. You can also ask Guidance what the loving action is in terms of a problem that is related to these feelings like "What should I tell my friend when she pushes on my boundary? Or “What is loving for me in the mornings when I wake up?" and see what Guidance says. Loving action can be anything big and small, including speaking up, getting rest, defining oneʼs own lovability, reaching out for help, exercising, or doing the six steps.

An effective and loving way to heal an old wound or trauma is to go back in your mind to the time of the incident and rescue the child, take him/her out of the situation and bring him/her to a place of love, acceptance,

safety, and holding.

A. Do the loving action that your Guidance prescribed, even if it is something that may take some time, like changing a routine, cutting out an addiction, or learning to speak up in times of conflict

B. Make sure your Inner Child feels safe and is held by you (the adult) and by Guidance

Step 6- Evaluate the Action.

Once you have done the loving action, if you still feel in pain, then go back to step four and discover another loving action.

Evidence that healing has occurred for the Wounded Child and Core Child is having the experience of any of the following; peace, joy, gratitude, creativity, open- heartedness, empowerment, passion, authenticity, a sense of wisdom, clarity, self-love, or playfulness.

A. Check back in with yourself and see if you feel that healing has occurred. If not, go back to step four.

Remember, Inner Bonding® is a practice that takes time to develop. Give yourself room to explore and learn as you go. There is no “right” way to do this, just dive in and trust that the process will get easier and clearer as practice.